Fear of closeness

Fear of closeness symptoms

People normally enjoy being touched by the people they love – after all, touch is also an important means of communication. People who are afraid of closeness can also long for touch on the one hand, but at the same time feel afraid of being too close. This fear usually becomes apparent in relationships, but can also manifest itself as a general aversion to being touched. In addition to the feeling of anxiety, physical symptoms such as restlessness, sweating, nausea or a racing heart may occur. These are similar to a panic attack and occur when closeness cannot be avoided.

People who are afraid of closeness feel uncomfortable when a relationship becomes more intimate. You may be familiar with feeling more and more constricted as a relationship progresses.

You therefore prefer to have superficial relationships in which you feel more comfortable because there is always a certain distance as an emotional safety margin. As a relationship builds up and becomes more intense, you will quickly feel constricted, controlled or overwhelmed and feel the desire to break out of the relationship in order to feel the freedom you are used to. This is because close relationships, be it a friendship or a committed relationship, make people who suffer from a fear of closeness feel uncomfortable, oppressive and simply threatening. If you are affected, you will feel vulnerable when a deeper common level is reached and worry about whether the relationship will last. You wonder what would happen to you if the relationship didn’t last and you were disappointed as soon as you relied on the other person or were even let go.

Despite the desire for closeness, the relationship is prevented from developing and perhaps even sabotaged out of mistrust of the other person. It is not easy for those affected to trust others and confide in them. As the person affected, you may be more or less aware of this.

Anxiety can also lead to a fundamental rejection of stable relationships and to finding recognition and security or self-sufficiency in other ways by focusing on things other than interpersonal relationships.

If you are afraid of closeness, you want to run away from the person you have grown to love and who may already have a greater significance in your life than you would like because the relationship with this person influences your own life. As the person affected, you are afraid of being hurt and not being able to deal with the hurt – not least because there may not be another trusted person with whom you already have a close relationship. By keeping yourself emotionally distant, you protect yourself from hurt feelings.

If you are afraid of closeness, you are also afraid to trust and open up. You may be afraid of being put on the spot and may not want to allow intimacy and closeness, as this would intensify your feelings for your partner. This would in turn trigger fear and thoughts of escape. Physical symptoms can then occur, which could theoretically lead to a panic attack. Your chest becomes tight, your heart beats hard and fast, you break out in a sweat and you feel nauseous. Proximity triggers the same sensations as an objective danger.

Withdrawing from your partner – isolating yourself, suppressing your feelings, canceling meetings and avoiding your partner or not getting in touch – often leads to a break-up if you don’t face up to the fear. The break-up is truthfully justified by the fact that you feel constricted.

If you are afraid of closeness, the stronger the bond becomes, the more you will feel the need for more freedom. However, this is not so easy for the partner who is free of fear to understand. This is because trust and security grow for them. However, the situation is completely different for a relationship anxious person.

A greater fear of rejection and abandonment, which results in a fear of opening up as soon as the friendship or couple relationship feels more serious and brings with it the first feelings of commitment, are clear signs of attachment anxiety or fear of closeness.

People who are afraid of too much closeness try to maintain their independent and self-determined life and don’t like it when expectations are placed on them that oblige them to behave in certain ways, engage in certain activities or meet up with their partner’s friends or family. People who are anxious about commitment prefer to stay on safe ground where they can’t do anything wrong, and these are relationships with a certain degree of non-commitment, but which also involve superficiality. In order not to build up too much closeness, they will avoid too personal topics, not ask intimate questions and tend to keep real, private problems to themselves or downplay them to the other person.

Some are afraid to show themselves as they really are in front of people who appreciate and genuinely like them. This is because the fear of being rejected holds them back. They may also find it difficult to approach and get to know other people in whom they are genuinely interested. Fear of closeness, for example, prevents them from engaging in a conversation on a personal level because they could lose their independence and freedom as a result. Getting involved with someone takes effort, so to speak, even if there is a desire to connect with another person.

In order to be able to lead a carefree life without close relationships, which would entail unpleasant feelings, people sometimes unconsciously choose a career path that makes it difficult to form lasting relationships. These are people who are constantly on the move, traveling and spending a lot of time at or with work. Those who are afraid of closeness are more likely to choose a job in which they work with people superficially and where they can avoid working closely with colleagues. Or if this is not possible, you will tend to stay away from situations that involve personal interaction and generally withdraw and keep a low profile on private matters in order to maintain a certain distance and not let other people get too close to you.

People who are afraid of closeness are insecure to a certain extent, even if it doesn’t seem that way on the outside, because they can cover it up with a superficially carefree manner or compensate for it with coolness, humor or charm.