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Fear of being abandoned
Here you will find background information and an extremely effective approach to thoroughly treat the fear of being left.
Treating causes instead of symptoms!
Fear of being abandoned Definition
Fear of abandonment is a type of fear of loss. If it occurs in romantic relationships, it is equivalent to separation anxiety.
Everyone has experienced the fear of what would happen if our partner broke up and left us all at once. The more important a person is to us, the worse the idea of being left alone by our loved one feels. However, this worry should not play a major role in stable relationships.
However, it can happen that the fear of being left is so strong that we, as the person affected, doubt whether we are in a reliable relationship and can no longer realistically assess it ourselves. And so the fear of being left grows, which fosters jealousy and other secondary fears, such as the fear of being alone.
If, when viewed objectively, the boyfriend or girlfriend gives no reason to want to end the relationship and yet there is still a strong feeling that you cannot rely on the relationship continuing, then this is a typical sign of fear of loss. If you don’t tackle the fear of abandonment and make it a permanent feature of your relationship, you run the risk of actually damaging your own relationships with other people with this negative, anxious attitude. This is because fear is always followed by protective tendencies, such as clinging behavior in the case of fear of loss.
Fear of being abandoned symptoms
The fear of being left has a fundamentally negative effect on satisfaction in a relationship – not only does the anxious partner suffer, but the other person is also less happy with the situation. This is because as soon as separation anxiety is involved, the other person feels it as mistrust towards them, which is shown to them through no fault of their own. In other words, it is the anxiety that creates an unsatisfactory situation in which the partner can feel so hurt or misunderstood that they might actually think about breaking up just because of it.
In addition to the counterproductive effects on the relationship itself, which can manifest into a self-fulfilling prophecy, there are some very specific symptoms that those affected suffer from. As the fear of abandonment is a fear that is directed at another person, all symptoms have a direct impact on this other person, which causes the fear in the person affected. Fear of abandonment is therefore not so much a fear that can be hidden from the other person. Unless the fear of abandonment sets in so early that it is tantamount to attachment anxiety. However, contradictory behavior usually betrays a desire for more closeness and commitment. In addition, the fear should not be covered up within the relationship.
Are you in a relationship with a faithful person who you know you can trust, but you still have a constant feeling of uncertainty and a diffuse fear that triggers a certain amount of tension and anxiety? Then it is quite possible that, against your better judgment, you are afraid of being left.
The fear of abandonment is so unpleasant because we are social beings who depend on community and its support. We need confidants and allies in order to feel free and carefree. This can already be observed in small children. A strong mother-child bond encourages the toddler to explore the world. The fear of being alone is therefore a completely natural, innate fear in order to secure our lives and social coexistence.
Fear of being alone and feelings of loneliness are very characteristic of people who are afraid of being abandoned and left to their own devices. This fear of loss leads to clingy behavior and even controlling behavior as well as jealousy and mistrust. This is quite natural because all the secondary emotions create an apparent sense of security to combat the fear.
People who are afraid that their relationship with their partner could suddenly slip away from them want to know where the other person is at all times, who they are with and what they are doing. If people who are afraid of loss don’t know when they will return home, this is reason enough to become restless. Those affected by fear of loss find it difficult to concentrate on anything else, let alone enjoy being alone by having a good time. Even when they are with other people, their attention can remain on their absent partner, significantly reducing the quality of relationships in friendships and the rest of their lives. However, people who are anxious about loss do not always immediately realize that they themselves are the source of the anxiety. This is because their own perspective makes it seem as if their partner is always giving them cause for concern. Their own anxiety masks the desire to be autonomous themselves. And this desire is transferred to the other person, giving the unconscious anxiety its apparent justification.
As already mentioned, the fear of abandonment and thus of being alone leads to a fear of commitment. This may sound paradoxical, but it is an effective way of protecting yourself from being hurt. If you don’t get involved in a relationship and deep feelings in the first place, you are not so emotionally dependent on the other person. This provides enormous protection against a possible relationship break-up and should prevent the pain of separation that is anticipated. Jealousy is also more likely to occur, as the anxious person does not feel secure in their relationship and therefore fears that someone else could take their partner away from them or that their partner would secretly prefer someone else. Signs of jealousy in particular have something to do with low self-esteem. In contrast, more self-confident people have the attitude: “My partner, whom I have chosen, would not betray me.
Fear of being abandoned causes
Some people say: I’m afraid of being left because I’m not good at being alone. But it’s the other way around. The fear of being alone causes the fear of being left alone. Others have had their trust in their ex-partner betrayed and are now suffering from a kind of traumatization that causes them to fear the same situation in their next relationship, even if there is no basis for it.
However, strong fears of loss usually begin in childhood, when we are particularly dependent on other people. The loss of an important attachment figure or emotional relationship breakdowns can be a trigger.
Overcoming the fear of abandonment
Fear of being abandoned treatment
But it doesn’t matter when and where the fear arose. What matters is that you can resolve it. Yes, it works. Even with the fear of being left. Once you have done this, you will notice that not only is the fear gone, but the associated avoidance behaviors also stop. The fear that has been resolved often leads to deeper access to relationships and attachments.
Fear of abandonment test
You will find the fear test in the round, blue circle at the bottom right of the screen. If you click on it, it will open and you can start immediately. Without advertising and without registering! Start by entering “the fear of being left” in the anxiety test. This will check whether you actually have this fear inside you. If so, the fear of being abandoned can be resolved with our Fear Dissolve app. You can find the link under the test. The app works without confrontation, so you will NOT be in a situation where you have to experience this fear! And the app also works without traveling back in time! So you don’t need to be afraid of the treatment itself and can do it all by yourself. From the comfort of your own home!
If you have successfully resolved your fear of being left, you can also check yourself with the test:
the fear of loss,
the fear of being alone,
the fear of being lonely.
Start now to overcome the fear of being abandoned! You now have all the tools you need.
Good luck!
Fear Therapy
Effective fear treatment in an app!
Effective content and techniques for treating fears/anxiety.
Thoroughly dissolve any fear, including the associated negative cognition/belief!
No direct confrontation (exposure) with the fear!
Also deals with individual cognitions and all other emotions such as shame, sadness, hate, anger, etc.
Buy the "Fear Therapy" app now for just 19.99 Euros!
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and to go as far as you would never have dreamed possible.“
Paul Gauguin (1848-1903), French painter, co-founder of Synthetism and pioneer of Expressionism
