Fear of losing control

Fear of losing control Effects

Although it is clear that absolute control is impossible, some people particularly want to be able to control the feelings, thoughts and behavior of themselves or others. Having everything under control actually feels great. We feel self-efficacious and, what’s more, everything is going our way – perfectly. In these moments, there is no trace of overwhelm, insecurity or frustration. However, imponderables and flaws are also part of life. So if you have maneuvered yourself into a fear of losing control, you may be striving too hard for security and flawlessness. However, negative feelings such as disappointment and situations such as defeat are important for personal development. Excessive fear, which is supposed to categorically protect us from certain situations, therefore makes us inflexible. Fear hinders and restricts our thoughts and therefore our behavior, which has many different consequences. Fear of control controls us. We all know situations in which fear has won out. And it is quite normal not to be able to overcome our fears every time. However, if a certain fear means that we can no longer live our lives or certain aspects of our lives freely and in a self-determined way, something should be done about the fear.

Fear of losing control can manifest itself in very different life situations and at individually different moments. Everyone has different areas in which they feel safe and areas in which they feel rather uncomfortable. For those affected, anxiety manifests itself in situations in which they cannot set the tone or lose the upper hand and feel inferior. The person with anxiety feels powerless if they are not in control or if something does not go as they had imagined. People who are afraid of losing control ruminate a lot and think about “What if…?” and the possibilities of achieving the desired goal. This can also get you quite entangled. It’s not always easy to admit to yourself that obsessive control really does cause damage. For example, if you don’t want to admit to a loss of control that has already occurred, you sometimes turn to alcohol.

Generally speaking, people with a fear of losing control tend to have high expectations or precise ideas about themselves, the world and others. They subconsciously base their self-worth on achieving their goals. Therefore, nothing can be allowed to get in the way, and an unforeseen disruptive factor can trigger stress and panic. Such people, for whom the fear of losing control is already quite pronounced, find it difficult to switch off and relax. The lack of relaxation to compensate for the high demands of professional and private life further lowers the threshold of irritability above which this person becomes irritable and overwhelmed. This makes it even easier for them to feel that situations are getting out of hand, which means that even more energy is expended in an attempt to get a grip on the environment around them. A typical example of an everyday situation in which loss of control due to stress is perceived more strongly and therefore great efforts are made for apparent control is a mother dominating her children. Children embody the uncontrollable very well, because they cannot be controlled. And they are particularly good at bringing their parents – perhaps precisely for this reason – to the point where they fear losing their self-control.

Adults, on the other hand, naturally use more subtle methods to exert power, persuade and influence others and thus control situations. Or they simply control themselves, e.g. their eating behavior with regard to weight. Adults have a much more developed ability to control themselves. This can go so far that their behavior does not correspond to their true convictions. In individual cases, this is also completely normal in everyday life. But people who are generally afraid of getting into situations that they cannot anticipate and control are much more likely to control their own behavior. This keeps them in familiar, manageable territory. This is because they perceive the unpredictable as threatening. Even feelings can be completely suppressed and thoughts repressed as a result. This serves purely as a protective mechanism, because “what if…?”.